Today is just another day of my pale blue mood...I'm suppose to work, but not even one of my work is done...It is such a good weather outside that I feel more pity to my self that I feel the way I feel right now...Is this is because my biology body telling me that it time for the "one month" treatment? I think I should just blame it on my body..it's the girl think people say, never hurt if you just blame it on your gene..Something that I've learn today is that it is actually a lot harder to smile than cry...I envy people who think the other way around......
For me, smile is a worthless treasure...I can cry just by watching sad movie or Oprah Show...but it is hard to smile and feel happy even though I watch a really funny movie...
This morning I just talk to one of close friends in Chicago..I told her that my relationship with my bf is not doing really good today...we had a small flight that eat up all my happiness....my conclusion from the fight is that he and me has different focus and destination. If that so, than why we still be together? I'm wondering sometimes of why I can have a bf like him...So much different, so many arguments, so far from my imagination.

I'm not looking for a perfect couple or a true love..but just a best friend..what I have now feel like just an old friend...Oh Lord...what is Your plan in my life?

If I can choose the color to paint my future, can I pick Yellow, White and Green?...don't let gray, black, and all dark colors dominate my paint...

Lets talk about how can I change my Pale Blue mood into a bright happy Blue?..I'm not shooting for Yellow because its gonna be to hard...but just a bright blue...

Well...what I want to do right now is just go back home..clean my apartment..I'm actually thinking of going to a park and just sit there and read or sleep..that would be great..with this wonderful weather..sun shine all day, it will brighter my Blue mood..so shall we do that then?.....

OK, before I drive home and finish my work hour today, lets make a list!
I want to make a list of things to do before I get married (this will be fun!)

1. I want to travel to Europe, not by using tour but I want to explore it by my self..going from cities to cities using train...cycling along a lake or city...taking pictures of beautiful architecture..testing the local favorite restaurants...visiting old and historical places...meeting new and strange people..being part of the city and country..
2. I want to do summer mission..I want to dedicate my self to serve others...it want to do voluntary work..I can picture my self struggling with the environment and the people but I can also image my self helping others..give my best to others and put others as my first priority..
3. I want to meet and date other guy..I want to make sure that the man that I'm going to marry is the right person...I can only be sure if I can compare it with other...and I also want to be able to feel flattered again..
4. I want to be successful..not only in career, but also in life..I want to achieve something before I can dedicate my self to other..
5. I want to do wild things like partying all night....taking roller coaster.....diving...