Strength to Stay Focus and Motivated

Today, mom called...same old conversation since I'm single..same subject which is about "BF"
I'm tempted to buy brand bag just to bust my self esteem..but what for?
I need to save up money..for my car maintenance..for my future home sweet home..
I know that I don't want to end up alone for sure and I know God has a great plan in my life.

I have this thousands dreams about my life..about my love story..
But should i surrender it to the Dream Department or should I have a glimpse of hope to believe that it will come true..

I've read it before that God's purpose align with our desire or dreams..that God will answer our questions..He will open the door that we knock..
But who am I to ask? I know deep in my heart that I'm not ready..I'm not worthy enough to love someone..I don't have enough Love for other..I'm still selfish.. and I don't want to repeat the same mistakes..
If I'm going into relationship in the future, it will be my last and only one..

My other half..my equally yoke..where are you? are you also lost like I'm right now?
But I'm lying if i say that I don't have somebody in my mind all this time..
yes..i do..is that wrong? loving someone from far..believe that He won't look at me...believe that i'm not for him..not worthy enough..

Oh boy..life could be complicated i think..but God always make it PERFECT..
So far, my life has been never less than perfect according to His plan..
How I know this? is because up until now..my heart always adore Him..
He is my first LOVE..my ever forever source of Life..

xoxo..Love You Lord